CoVID-19, shelter in place... now what?
This is my 8th day of pretty much staying home except for one trip to the grocery store. I feel grateful to be able to do this with my husband and my children; and that they are coping exceptionally well for now. Strict schedules don’t work for me, but some sort of structure has been very important. I make sure all of us exercise every day, eat healthy (boosting up our immune system), sleep well, and finish our work or school.
Structure
To structures I say do what is best for you and your family. Don’t worry about what others post on social media. You know your family’s rhythms and needs so stick to what works for you. Also be flexible about it, what works this week may not work the next one. Our stamina and mental space will shift and change as this crisis goes on. If the structure you set is causing a lot of struggles with yourself or your children, maybe it’s time to shift. Perhaps you need to tighten things up, or loosen things up.
The structure I set for the kids is that once they wake up, eat breakfast and get ready they should start their school work. They choose their breaks, but I ask them to be done with their school by 3:30pm. I am keenly aware that this doesn’t work for everyone. Younger children, children that need more support or children with special needs need more structure and supervision. My heart goes out to those parents that not only have to complete their work, but also have to be semi-teachers during these times. There are many unsung heroes during this crisis, parents are one of them.
2. Connection
In these times of social distancing it becomes imperative that we keep connected to our loved ones and the outside world. Thank goodness most of us have phones, social media and even gaming to help us interact with one another. Make sure your children are in touch with their friends, family and teachers. Besides getting us or our loved ones getting sick, I think the most difficult hurdle we will face during this time is with our mental health. One of the reasons is because we are social beings by nature and this distancing will take a toll on us. Research has proven time and time again that social connection is the best predictor of mental well being. If you or any of your family members are becoming more irritated, moody, any changes in sleep, lack of pleasure or motivation seek professional help. Therapy through video (telehealth) is a wonderful option right now, and it is easily accessible. Most therapists are going online right now. A quick google search would give you thousands of options.
3. Be Prepared
When I was 8 years old a volcano erupted near my hometown. Because volcanic eruptions are predictable my school and my family prepared for weeks prior to the event. As students we all had to bring cans of food and blankets to school in case the roads were impacted and we needed to spend some nights there. As an eight year old it was scary and overwhelming, but seeing the adults around me being prepared and making sure I was prepared made all the difference in the world. No, I am not saying go buy a year’s worth of toilet paper, but sitting with your children and explaining what you have in place right now or in case someone gets sick, will help them feel that there is someone in charge thinking through these things. Not talking about it doesn’t mean they are not thinking about it, so it’s better if they know the facts as opposed to creating an apocalyptic story in their head.
4. Limit the News
Limit the news period, for you and for your children. Yes you do need to be informed, but you don’t need to be connected to the news 24 hours. Too much information is too much information. Do you need to know that there is a shelter in place order? YES, do you need to know that the number of infected people jumped from 10,000 to 10,100? NO. You need to know the basics so you can function and plan accordingly, that’s it. Children don’t need to be listening to how many people have died in each country, or how hospitals are not equipped to handle this crisis. I am all for being honest with children so that they know what is going on with what is impacting them right now: school closures, shelter in place, social distancing. It is fruitless and anxiety provoking to know that a hospital is not ready to handle a crisis. Filter information and be truthful.
5. Acknowledge your feelings
And if you need to fall apart do it! This is hard. period. As much as we want to keep a positive attitude all the time, we have to acknowledge that we are scared, and anxious, and lonely, and sad, and annoyed, and angry and the list goes on. Make space for those feelings and emotions, the more we pay attention to them the less they will overwhelm us later on. Feelings and emotions don’t just go away because we ignore them. Remember “Inside Out”? sadness wasn’t going away, she actually became bigger and heavier as joy tried to cheer her up or dismiss her. She then became helpful and productive once joy allowed her to have a voice. I love the metaphor of seeing feelings, emotions and thoughts as fish in the ocean. We can watch them come and go in the ocean that holds them. Become the ocean, allow the fish to swim by. If you find yourself becoming the fish (e.g anger, anguish) take a step back, allow the fish to swim by and go back to being the ocean.
Good luck out there, We are all in this Together.
Be safe, stay healthy.